I fell today. I felt like nothing. It all comes back to me every time. 

I hate this song. I hate love songs. I hate you.

You’re gone. My friends are gone. Gone.

The pill bottles scream my name.

Det blev för mycket igår, 

jag vill inte mer

I feel better now. I’m still the same. I feel empty and unresolved; broken and incomplete. I’ve always been the same me. I’ve always been alone. Now, no one is gonna read this and if they do they’re just gonna think I’m an idiot. I don’t care, I guess. Other people do it. Some attention whores, some actually need someone to talk to. I’m tired. 

My friends are all out. Maybe winning, maybe losing. And I’m here, on tumblr, rambling, posting incoherent thoughts on the internet. I used to write, or at least I tried too. That used to make me happy. I used to be in love, but all that did was break me. Maybe this’ll be my last post and I’ll go back to my life. Or maybe I’ll come back and tell you the thoughts of this sad individual. 

I think a lot. I wonder a lot. I wonder if I’ll ever be happy. I wonder about the lives we lead. I just wonder. Sometimes, I think of suicide, but there’s no real benefit in it. Think about it: Does it release you from my binds or tighten the noose around your neck? 

Hold onto your life as you would a photograph of your fondest memory; tightly, then not at all, as if to let the wind carry it away.

A new cavity moved into
My heart today
The more she sings
The more it seems that
That now I’m through
Teenager, Deftones

I’m not really sure why I just lied. Just another mystery to add to what I’ve already given you, I suppose. There’s no winner here. I don’t get you and you’ve learned nothing. Now, farewell and goodnight.

People always said it was something I’d go back to once I started. Fuck me for not believing them.

No hero in my tragedy
No daring in my escape
No salutes for my surrender
Nothing noble in my fate

What’s bad, we’ll fix it
What’s wrong, we’ll make it alright, alright
It’s gone, we’ll find it
Takes so long, we’ve got time
All the time
Winning, Emily Haines

You know there’s that thing about when you get nervous in front of a crowd or something that you’re supposed to picture everybody naked or something like that…I never understood that. Because I don’t wanna see people naked, that’s gross to me. (x)